Monday, March 19, 2012

Willing To Try Anything Now...

I mentioned in the last post below that I have a lot on mind and it has been overwhelming.  It's taking me forever to finish the Shallow Hal posts but I have just been so busy thinking about other dumb shyt.

I had researched this, and so last week I finally texted my therapist...

"What do you think about hypnotism?"

And she asked me simply, "For what?"

"Just to help me redirect my thinking and get some things off my mind.  Maybe it will help me focus on goals and help me stop losing stuff. "

Suprisingly she comes back with that she studied hypnosis after grad school and she will do it with me at the next visit.

WOW!  No shyt?

So this week we will give it a try.  I hear that hypnosis has helped people lose weight.  In fact I saw an old acquaintance who I hadn't seen in like six years.  He had lost mad weight and he said he used hypnotism to lose it.  Apparently it worked because he really had lost a lot of weight and looked like a different person.  I mean he still needed to get in shape, but the weight was gone at least.

Hey, so maybe it might work for me.  I would love to forget about Tin Man.  How cool would that be?  I hope that I can stop losing stuff too.  Just to be able to fix either one of these problems would be a blessing. 

Yeah I know, I know.  This hypnotism thing may sound weird but at least I'm trying to work my mind trips out!   This is a start and I give myself credit for wanting to try it out. 

So it is ON!  The therapist and I start this week.  She says I will love it? 

I will????????

Hmmmmm.  I dunno.  At this point I am willing to try anything to be a little happier, and to me I think that's pretty damn cool.  Again it may be weird, but I'm weird myself anyway. 

I just hope she don't make me forget I have this damn blog. 

UPDATE:  She texted me and can see me tonight.  Eeek.  Woo chile.  I hope I can relax and do this?????

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Interview with a Dog: Part V - Who is Miss C?

Well so much for coming back the next day to post. 

My head is spinning today anyways.  I went to the therapist and I think I talked about 10 different things in that 45 minutes.  I told her I was feeling confused about my purpose here on this damn planet.  I really wanted to get into that because I was an emotional wreck last weekend.  It was baaddddd.  I felt like I wanted to die.  End it.  I was tired of thinking.  I wished I could just remove my brain and throw it in the washing machine to wash away all of the sad thoughts I was having.  I asked myself, "Why am I here?" maybe 100 times.  I honestly don't understand my life right now.  I just don't.

I really thought that I was having a breakdown.

I wanted to tell the therapist how I was feeling, but if you say too much they will put you in a mental hospital for evaluation.  I don't want that at all.  So unless I really, really mean it, and I tell her because I secretly want her to prevent me from doing something bad, I ain't saying shyt.  We did chat a little bit about what I thought my life was about though, but strangely she changed the subject.  Instead she jumped to asking was I still seeing Shallow Hal.  I guess she wanted to get an update too?  :/  She does tell me that all of it sounds like a soap area so maybe she wanted to hear the latest installment?  Or....maybe she thought he was the reason why I had that breakdown over the weekend.  But I can honestly say nah on that.  He wasn't the problem.  He didn't even cross my mind during those shitty moments.  Although I still I wasn't quite sure why I continued to correspond with Shallow Hal.  She and I do need to get into that eventually.  Next time I guess.  If I think about it. 

I'm getting off the track here. 

Anyway so where was I?

So Miss Caribbean has pretty much learned by seeing the hospital baby ward bracelet that this other kid Shallow Hal had eluded to was just born.  She herself had another month or so to go with her own pregnancy so learning all of this had to be hard on her.  Shallow Hal tells me that she looks depressed a lot now since she got his baby news, but she still keeps a lot of things to herself.  Maybe she didn't say much because she didn't want to upset herself and cause problems with her pregnancy.  Who knows?    But even though she is keeping things bottled up inside he can tell that something was troubling her. 

And that trouble was HIM.

I couldn't help but to wonder about her.  It all sounded so bad.  I’m sure the night she cried in that bathroom she wondered how maybe she should have asked more questions.  That she should have tried to learn more about the man who she only spoke to on the phone and saw a few times a year.  Did she now just realize that just because she had his first son and was carrying his second, that it didn't ensure that he would be faithful to her when he came back to the USA? 

I can only imagine what she thought about locked in that bathroom that night she learned about his newborn baby.  I bet she felt sick.  She was in a strange place where she doesn’t know the language or the customs.  I asked Shallow Hal did she have family here, and don't you know his azz said HE DIDN'T KNOW????!!!! 


Like what the f*ck mane?  You impregante this chick twice and bring her here and don't know if she has peeps here or not.  Wow. 

I just had to ask...

"Damn is the p*ssy that good?  You don't seem to know shyt about her?  Her personality.  Nothing."

SH:  "I do know her.  I met her six years ago.  I know who her family is in our country.  And as for the sex, she actually made me wait for the p*ssy.  She wouldn't f*ck me in our town because once you're labeled a whore you never live it down.  She didn't want people to know that she had screwed me and she wouldn't let me touch her.  I had to take her to the Dominican Republic and that's when she finally gave me the azz."

Me:  "Ok but you still didn't answer the question.  Is the p*ssy that good?"

SH:  "I mean it's okay.  She's kinda boring.  She's good with her mouth."

Me:  "Well it must have been good for you to impregnate her twice."

SH: "Nah.  I just wanted at least two kids and I wanted them with the same woman.  That's all it was."

Now to me this sounded real foul.  It was like he was saying, "Might as well plant another seed with her since I got one already?"  Who wants a man to knock you up twice with that kind of mindset?  I guess people think like that when it comes to wanting more than one kid.  I dunno.

Still though I felt kinda bad for her.  This woman held out on the azz and thought she had done everything right.  And I bet that fool told her that he loved her and made her fall even harder.  She probably needed to hear that before graduating to unprotected sex with him.  I guess going to the Dominican Republic made it more beautiful and real to her?  Yeah ok.  I bet as soon as they entered that room and they put their bags down he f*cked her.  I know he did.  There was no romantic dinner or a walk on the beach before making love in the twilight of the Dominican sunset.  He f*cked her IMMEDIATELY, the same way he would have in her village.  Doggy style.  Standing up.  Azz facing him while he said, "You made me wait for this, huh.  You made me wait."  So sorry Miss C, you still got f*cked, it was just in a different place.  I guess it was mostly about people knowing about it with her.

(shrugs shoulders)

It just goes to show you that their are no rules about how long you wait to sex a dude.  None.  I don't give a f*ck what Steve Harvey says in that book.   It ain't no guarantee that he will appreciate you more or think you're the bomb or do right by you.  It's all a dice roll.  The way I see it, making a dude wait only makes YOU feel aiight with giving up the sex.  And ain't nothing wrong with that.  But I can't see where it MAKES a man do anything after y'all hook up????  That's where I think people get it mixed up.  You can't make a man do shyt he don't wanna do, although I'm sure there are exceptions.  :)

With no family here, I guess it's safe to assume that she expected Shallow Hal to be her family.  He was gonna be her end all and be allYou can never do that --- let someone be your world because when they let you down, you fall hard.  Real hard.  I assume she probably felt alone as hell now, but from where she sat was a lot better than where she was sitting a few months ago.  Hell, in her country she probably would be considered lucky even if she was the companion of a cheating muthafucca.  She had one baby by an American and was due to have another.  He had been sending her money and basically supporting her as she cared for their child.  How great was that?  She had positioned herself well I guess, but with that ‘position’ came envy from the other women in their town (or so her paranoid, voodoo thinking self told SH).  She never let the child out of her sight out of fear that he would be kidnapped or that someone would put a spell on him. 

When she got pregnant a second time, Shallow Hal told her that he would bring her here and I bet that she felt like the luckiest woman in the world.  I bet she thought, “Wow, this man really loves me.  I made him wait. I had his baby.  Now I get to live a better life."  I’m sure her family and friends told her that too, “You’re a lucky woman!”, and right before their eyes she probably became more beautiful and smart to them.  Shallow Hal was her prince and she was the princess being taken far away from the poverty that surrounded her.  It all sounded very Cinderella-ish.  A real life Coming to America story.

Did Cinderella feel so lucky now?  She sees that things weren’t gonna be quite the fairytale that she thought it would be.  The prince had another life.  I know she had to ask herself, “How could I be so dumb to think that this man was faithful to me?” 

Yeah girl.  Join the club.

But on the real, part of that Cinderella story would ring to be true.  Shallow Hal did need her --- to stay home and raise the kids that he felt he needed to have because he turned 40.  He needed her to clean and cook.  He don't wanna change diapers; he needs her to do that.  He needed somebody around for some regular azz when he felt the urge, or when he didn’t feel like driving to his sidepiece’s house.  And even though he said she was ‘not that fine’, she was good enough.  Sweet enough.  Timid enough to take his shyt because he was providing everything to her.  And because he was the main provider, Shallow Hal believed he gets a pass to do whatever he wants. 

And he does.

I started to refer to her as Celie.  Shallow Hal didn't like that.  He said that she made him happy and he liked having her around.  His family was 'fun.'  He told me that all the time.  But that didn't stop me from calling it as I saw it though.  Now that I think about it, Mister in The Color Purple liked having Celie around too -- once he got used to her azz.  Shallow Hal only saw part of the movie so he probably doesn't know what I meant anyway.  He probably didn't want to watch it because it reminded him of his azz too much.  I mean who hasn't seen The Color Purple at least four times??? 

Hmmm, maybe he didn't like me trying to say he was like Mister in the movie.  I mean he is not violent or anything, but he is not a very good listener.  He will bark at you too.  If his mind is made up about something, that's pretty much it.  So Miss C kept her mouth shut probably,  because that clock was ticking on that damn spouse visa.  She needed to stay below the radar until she knew what Shallow Hal was gonna do with her.  He said he was honest and always told her that he didn't want to get married.  I believe that's true.  I think that maybe she was just hoping that he just might change his mind though.  If she came over here and was the bomb azz chick how could he not marry her?  If she cooked and cleaned and sexed him even with that big 8 month preggo belly (which she did), showed him what a good woman that she was, and entertained him....he might just change his mind.  I'm sure as hell she thought that.  What woman wouldn't?  She was carrying his second kid and he whisked her away like a princess to his castle.  If he did alla that, of course that meant that he loved her right? 

Wrong.  It wasn't about love.  Shallow Hal ain't trying to pay child support.  He will take care of you, but he don't wanna pay what a court would tell him to pay.  On top of that, Miss C ain't never worked in her life.  I don't know what she knows how to do except raise kids.  If he married her and divorced, he would surely be paying spousal support on top of child support.  He knows that with his cheatin' ways, he didn't want to take the risk of that happening.  So Miss C was just gonna stay in limbo with her status least for now.

Shallow Hal:  "I hate when women say, "But I thought you said you loved me??!" It's so annoying."
Me:  "Well did you?  Did you say that to her?"
Shallow Hal:  "Yeah I did."
Me:  "And you're the one annoyed?  You're buggin."

Shallow Hal doesn't respond.

"Why would you throw the L-word around if you didn't mean it anyway?"
He looks bothered by the question.  I didn't think he would answer me, but he did.
SH:  "I mean I care about her.  I feel obligated to her because she gave me my first kid.  But I don't love her."
Me:  "Then you should not have said that to her.  For real.  You can't be throwing that around at a woman.  Did she said she loved you?"
SH:  "Yeah she did."
Me:  "And she probably said it to you first, and you probably was just saying it back because you knew that's what she wanted to hear.  You gotta stop saying shyt you don't mean."

I don't even know why I was talking to his rock headed azz about this anyway.  It was too late.  That woman hung her hat on his words and thought that this man really meant it.  I always suspected that he was good for saying shyt when he was in the moment.  Hell that fool even told me he loved me.  After maybe knowing me like two months?  No lie.  When I would call him on it and say that he didn't love me and to stop saying that crap, he would just come back and say...

"Well I love you right now."

Really?  I couldn't help but laugh.  The stupid shyt men say sometimes.  You love me right now?  What the fck is that?  Like why even say that dumb shyt?  He would say that to me so many times ---"I love you"---and most often during foreplay or sex.  And when I would blow off his statement he wouldn't give up

SH:  "But you love me don't you?"

Me:  "I love me."

SH:  "Yes you do. You love me don't you?"

Me: "I love my car."

Or I love my new coat.  Or my new wig.  I always gave a dumb answer to a dumb question.  He knew that I knew that he was just on some bullshyt.  And because this exchange always took place with us half naked, it just shoveled more shyt onto what he was saying.  Come on are you for real sweets?  I know I do dumb things, and was probably dumb for dealing with him anyway, but I wasn't that dumb to be falling in love with him.  He was a damn dog.  A self-proclaimed one too, always telling me "I'm a dog with a heart."  Yeah Mr. Charmer.  
Me:  "Well what else happened?"

SH:  "She just kept nagging me about going to New York.  I told her, "Look, I ain't married to you.  When your visa expires you can go back home."

(Dayum. I wasn't even the girl and that hit me like a ton of bricks)

Me:  "You did? And what did she say?"

SH:  "She stood there and started crying."

Me:  "Wow that's pretty mean <Hal>.  Wow."

And just like he always does, he shrugged me off and changed the subject. 

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Interview with a Dog: Part IV - Two Down, One to Go

Shallow Hal:  "Yeah, I know.  I gotta tell this girl."

Uh, that's where I left off right? 

I know I'm dragging with posting but my last post shows that I had some big stuff on my mind.  I have been having some crazy bad thoughts and mind tripping over a lot of things.   I promised myself that this weekend I would post this even though I wrote it last week.  But I think I am about to do some real Spartan shyt.  Ain't about getting no man either.  It's about something else.  So I gotta get this caught up so I can write about my plan.  I'll be back tomorrow.

I promise I will.  Because this is big and time is of the essence.  It could blow up in my face.  It could do nothing at all.  I dunno, but I only get one life and I'm feeling strongly about it.

So back to our regular program.

Shallow Hal:  "Yeah, I know.  I gotta tell this girl."

Over the next few days he talked to me about who he should tell first, but on the real he really didn't know.  It was just all f*cked up because he waited so long.  From where I sat, I didn't see what difference it made anyway.  I mean it would make more sense to tell the woman that he was living with first.  I told him that ideally, he should have told Miss Caribbean BEFORE she got here to the States anyways.  That way she could have decided if she wanted to still come or not.  I also said that he should have told Miss New York when she first announced her pregnancy so she could have decided if she wanted to keep the baby or not.  GIVE THEM CHOICES SHALLOW HAL!!!!  CHOICES!!!  

But he robbed them. 

He was just going along, talking about baby names and what not all the while making like everything is cool when shyt wasn’t cool.  He was having all this baby planning talk KNOWING full well he was in a damn pickle.  But noooooo...he just waits and lets months and months go by, and got babies baking in ovens all over the damn globe.  Not saying shyt.  Letting these women believe all the sugary shyt he spews out of his mouth.  He controlled everything and robbed them of their right to make an informed decision about their futures.  Now they have no choice but to deal with it.  For a long azz time.  And  even though I was sitting on the side, it was affecting me too.  It was just fckd up.  
Then it dawned on me.  I began to learn what Shallow Hal’s style was when it came down to coming clean about something.  When he wants to let you know something, he likes to drop hints.  Like I outlined in my other post, the way I got the scoop about the situation was by putting together the pieces of the puzzles I had collected over time.  Miss New York and Miss Caribbean would eventually have to do the same thing. 

Here’s an example.  One day he called and told me that he told Miss Caribbean (well in his mind he did anyway.)

Shallow Hal:

"We are at home just sitting around playing and talking and what not.  Miss Caribbean and the kid and I are having a good time.  She makes me laugh.  Then I say to my little man, "Hey little man, how would you like to have a little sister or brother?"  Then Miss C says to me surprised, "Oh, you want more than two?"  Then I say, "I already have more than two."  Miss C pauses.  "You already have two?", and I tell her yes.  She stands quiet staring at me.  Then after a few minutes she looks at little man and thinks.  She then asks me if my other kid is older or younger than our toddler.  I just say, "I have another kid."  Miss C just stands and stares at me some more.  Then she asks, "Well what do you plan to do with this woman?"  As I start to answer she stops me.  "Never mind about the other woman, what do you plan to do with me?"  I said, "Who's here with me now?"  And she looks at me, and then goes in the kitchen to finish making dinner.  She says nothing else about it.”

Me:  She didn’t say anything else?  At all?

SH:  “ I dunno, she keeps a lot of stuff to herself I noticed.  She seems like a very private person.  You know, I really don’t even know this girl.  When we went to bed she was tossing and turning the whole night."

Me:  "And that's it?  That's what you call telling her?"

SH:  "Yeah.  And she was just looking at me.  Just looking."

You betta be glad that this voodoo worshipping chick didn't stab you in the back that night Mister Man.  And that was it.  That was how he revealed (or hinted at) that he had another kid. But the key thing with his cryptic response is that he made it sound as if the other kid was already here. 

“I have another kid.” 

A classic play on words which I had come to find out would be the Shallow Hal Way.  He plays professional poker and I think he uses strategies like bluffing and half-truths in his personal life.  At least that’s the way it seems to me.  But then again, it could be the other way around.  He was ALREADY good at bluffing and lying and consequently used those skills to become good at playing poker.  Yeah. That’s probably it.  I doubt you can learn to be a dog from playing cards.

And the funny thing is that when he told me about talking to Miss Caribbean, he was actually sounding RELIEVED!  I mean really? 

Me:  “You call that ‘telling’ her?”
SH: “What do you mean?  What’s wrong with what I said?”

Lawd have mercy.  What a blockhead.  I see now that he's just a six foot tall chicken and he brain washes himself with this logic he has about stuff.  He didn't hardly say shyt about the kid at all.  That’s just the way he is.  He never comes out and tells you anything.  He says just enough --- just enough ---to plant the seed, let you water and fertilize it on your own.  I mean once you figure stuff out he actually might start spilling the beans, but with him you never know. 

So back to the babies.  Miss New York ain't gettin' no better and he tells me that it annoys him to be around her.  He told me she looked bad and she was moping around looking miserable.  He hated being around her.  She is throwing up all the time and telling him that it is his fault that she is sick.  But things are getting more serious by the day, and even though she is only about 7.5 months pregnant, it looks like she might have to deliver early because her pressure is getting dangerously high.  The diagnosis:  preeclampsia.  When she goes to the hospital, she is in constant communication with SH, but strangely, he won't go to see her after the first time she goes there.  Being the martyr that she is, Miss New York is telling him to not come because she knows he is at work. I mean this chick is amazing!  Her blood pressure is 999 over 10 and she is still considering him in that moment.  I said to him that he still should go and see her anyway regardless of what she said.  But he wouldn't go.  No matter what I said.  

Me:  “The girl is sick.  This is her first child and she is probably nervous.  I don’t care if her sister is by her side or not, you need to go see her.”

SH:    "I'll go when I have to go."   

That’s all he would say.  Over and over.  And his azz did not go either.  He just got the updates on what was going on when she called him.  He might have gone over to the hospital the first time she went, but that was it????

Maybe it was because her family was coming there to be with her, and he didn't want to be around them.  Either feelin’ guilty or uncomfortable probably.  He said Miss New York had been criticized by her peeps for getting knocked up without being married or whatever, and they were doggin him out and sayin' he should marry her.  That it was a disgrace that she was having a child out of wedlock.  I think she felt ashamed. 

I dunno.  They can’t put it ALL on him though.  I’m sure she had her legs open voluntarily for him.  He told that in the past that New York would tell him during sex, “If you get me pregnant you’re gonna have to marry me.”  And his reply would always be the same, that he wasn’t the marrying type.  So at least in that regard in didn’t mislead her?  But when Miss New York told him that one of her uncles wanted to have a “talk with him” about his "intentions" about her and their baby, he was fire red mad! 

"Ain't nobody talking to me about shyt!  This is not our country!  That marriage shyt is not required if a woman gets pregnant!  I ain't gettin' married. 

Whatever mane.  Maybe he didn't want to risk running into that uncle at the hospital.  Maybe he was ashamed too? 

(to self)

Ashamed?  Shallow Hal?  Yeah right. 

Then there was his job.  He told his job that he was expecting a kid in December, but not with two women.  Mr. Vice President didn't want that to get around at work that he had two chicks due at the same time.  He couldn't drop the excuse of saying his baby momma was in the hospital because he would have to run that game twice.  They would be like, "Damn, didn't you just have a baby?"  It would raise too many eyebrows.  So he had to pick the girl who he was gonna bounce out of work for, and it was quite obvious that it wasn’t gonna be Miss New York.   Po' thang.  Even still, he should have taken his azz there though.  So any info and updates that SH got about the status of New York and her baby, was all gotten while he sat at his desk at work.  Until the hospital told her to stay off the phone eventually because her blood pressure was just too high.  Then there was silence.  He’s emailing me sounding all annoyed, "I don't know what's going on!"  Um, then why don't you take your azz over there muthafucca?  Instead he just goes home after work and waits to hear from Miss New York.  Like her being in the hospital with blood pressure high as hell and preggo at the same time was just normal shyt. 

Then boom.  That night New York has an emergency C-section and delivers a little girl.  When SH gets the call, it just so happened that it was on a Friday night so no missed work for him.  No explaining to the job why he has to take off or leave early.  Lucky bastard.  He jumps out of bed and tells Miss C, "I gotta go to New York to see my kid."  And he was gone.  He calls me on the phone on the way to the hospital and he sounds pretty happy.  I congratulated him.  He tells me that Miss C texted him and said “Good night.” 

I just thought to myself, "Wow."  I don't know who is sweeter (or more confused) - Miss C with her "Good night"  text when he bolted from the house, or Miss New York telling her boo to keep working and not come to the hospital to see her.  I wasn't saying that type of shyt though.  The only texts I would have been sending would have been, "You betta bring you azz back TO-NIGHT!"  Or "You can stay wherever you going.  Don't even think about coming back here punk."  I guess that's why he is sticking to chicks from his country because he knows how to choose the right prey.  In fact, after the last American woman he dealt with smashed up his car he said he had come to 'appreciate' the women from his country a lot more.  Hmmmm...I wonder why muthafucca?  Cuz you can run over they azzes easier?

And to prove my point ---- he stays in New York for the next two days.  When he returns Miss C is upset because she is 7.5 months pregnant herself and he didn't call once to check on her.  Not once. 

He texts me...

"Miss C is getting more and more frigid.  She texted me saying that she didn't want to know what I was doing because she didn't want to upset herself.  And then she turned the phone off."

And you're surprised?  I told him that he better be glad that frigid is all she is right now.  You just get up, pack a bag, and bounce saying that you need to check on the other kid.  Then you don't call or respond to her texts, and she is supposed to be warm and sunny when you bring your azz back?  Then you stroll in and ain't saying a word about where you been?  What do you expect her to be like?  Sheesh.  Sometimes I think he just delusional.

That first week after his baby girl was hectic of course.  The baby ain’t home because she is preemie who weighed only 4.5 pounds at birth and was a month and a half early.  Shallow Hal is making the visits to the hospital to see his new daughter.  Her being born early actually worked in their favor because they hadn’t bought shyt for the baby anyway.  In seven months they ain’t bought a bottle, diaper, bed….nothing.  I asked why she didn’t have a baby shower seeing that she wasn’t working and was sick.  Hal said she refused.  The chick didn’t want a baby shower because she was too embarrassed and/or too prideful to get ‘handouts’ or whatever for her baby.  Ooookkkkkaaayyyy?  People and their pride turn up at the strangest times.  That leaves it all up to him to get EVERYTHING cuz she didn’t have a friggin’ dime.   So after the hospital visits when the weekend came he stayed over to put together furniture, buy clothes, milk, diapers, etc.  He said Miss New York looked bad.  Really bad.

SH:  “Yo, you know how much money I’m spending?  And New York has the nerve to be picking out shyt like she a fuggin’ queen.  I told her that she looked like shyt too.  She was looking bad and walking all crazy slow when she gets out of the car.  I had to check her.”

I chuckled to myself as he bitched on the phone.  I told him that he better be careful how he talks to her because she was the one he feared would take him to court for child support.  How you gonna holler at the woman and tell her she looked like shyt, but yet you scared she gonna take you for child support?  Dumb.  I guess because he was dishing out all the cash and financing everything Miss New York just swallowed the insults. 

Back on the home front with Miss C, things are getting more tense every time he comes back from his overnights in New York.

Me:  “And you say that as if you’re surprised.”  I had to laugh.

SH does not respond.  Honestly I don't think he was suprised, it's just that NOW he couldn't walk away from it.  I don't think he liked that.  

THEN THE MOMENT OF TRUTH FINALLY CAME FOR MISS C.  One night when he returned home, he took Miss C to the grocery store right after he hit the door.  As they are driving she notices his wrist.  There is a bracelet on it from the hospital.  Clearly it is from the baby ward.

Miss C: "Where you in a hospital somewhere?"
SH looks down and quickly rips the bracelet off his arm.


He usually takes it off but forgot this time.  He couldn't lie now. The evidence as to where he has been is right there on his arm.  He says nothing else. 

Strangely, Miss C doesn't say anything else either.  She doesn’t ask anything else.  She just sat quietly in the car and stared at him all the way to the store. 

And this is how Miss C put two and two together.  Shallow Hal had hinted in earlier days that he had another kid, but never answered how old the kid was.  When she saw the hospital bracelet, she finally deduced that the kid was just born.  That meant Shallow Hal didn't have to say a damn thing.  The bracelet did all the talking for him. 

I guess that was a lucky break for Shallow Hal...somewhat.  She wakes him up in the middle of the night to talk about the child.  He didn’t tell me exactly what they talked about, but he did tell me that she started crying and locked herself in the downstairs bathroom.  She stayed in there for hours he said….sitting on the toilet.  Crying miserably.  Eight months pregnant with the second child of a man she is just now making realizations about. 

And she stayed in that bathroom.  Crying and crying.  Until the wee hours of the morning.

Over him.

My heart sank when he told me that.  And I felt so awful.  I really, really did.

Aight.  So that's two down:  Me and Miss C. 

Miss New York......You're next.

Now it's your turn to be Sherlock Homegirl.

And as for me, why was I still around?  Like I said I wanted to hear the story so I just played the game to get him to talk.  I was so caught up that I wanted to know what was going on, but the whole shyt was messing with my brain at the same time.  I started to tell Kim about it but eventually she didn't want to hear about it anymore.  I mean she would get like ANGRY when I would tell her the stories and yell at me not to tell her another word.  I was talking to the therapist about it, but I only get like 45 minutes to talk to her twice a month.  I had to release it.  To get it off my mind I started to blog about it.  Is it helping?  I think so.  I got a not so pleasant message from a reader on the private email.  I was questioned about my decision as to why I was dealing with Shallow Hal.  Hey, I think I explained that in the first installment regarding this man.  I did write back to that person however and said that I don't write my personal shyt to have to come back and defend it.  I don't write it to entertain other people which was another point  mentioned in that email.  This shyt ain't hardly entertaining.  What's here is real life.  People do a lot of things that may not make sense to someone else.  But this is reality.  My reality.  It's what is going on with me and I ain't fronting like I'm a saint or an angel because I.AM.NOT.  If you wouldn't do what I do, or don't like the way I roll...hey it's all groovy.  I always say that reading this blog is certainly optional.


And that's all I'm gonna say about that.