Saturday, November 3, 2012

Interview with a Dog: The Plot Thickens

Shallow Hal and I are through.

At least on an intimate level anyway. 

I won't front and pretend that I didn't miss the attention, because I did.  I always said he was quite charming and generous.  And when you go from dealing with someone that wasn't doing shyt for you, then go to someone who can be kind of mind blowing.  I liked what Shallow Hal did for me.  A lot.
So when it was over, I'lll admit that I went through a little withdrawal for a couple of days.  I felt a sense of loss.  Not loss on lovey dovey type of level, but a sense of loss from the attention I was getting from him.   It was because I wasn't on some lovey dovey shyt that the feeling didn’t last too long though.  Thank goodness!  Within days I quickly moved on (or went back) to old flames, and dabbled a little more on Black People Meet (BPM). 
To be honest, I was never really OFF the dating scene even when I was dealing with Shallow Hal.  I WASN'T THAT NAIVE.  The man had two other women who had babies literally a month apart!!!  I would have been totally dumb to think that I could scratch my way to the top of that heap of bullshyt.  I didn't want to anyway.  Shallow Hal could not be trusted.  He is a predator of the worst kind, and he is always on a constant search for p*ssy.   And the best thing to do when you're messing with a dude like this, is to shake off any feelings and keep entertaining new applicants.
Within a short time I started to sense that it bothered Shallow Hal that I was out there dating though.  He would ask me all the time how was BPM, and when I would give him the scoop, he would fire back at me with comments like, “I bet you wanna f*ck him don’t you?” Or “Do you think you wanna f*ck him?” and shyt like that.  I wasn’t having sex with anybody that I met on BPM, but I would "hint" that I was or wanted to just to f*ck with him anyway.  Maybe he picked up on my little game because then he shifted to throwing his encounters with his two baby mommas in my face. 

Once he texted me this after Miss New York’s six week post pregnancy waiting period had ended:

“I just got through f*ckin’ New York and it was sooooo good.”

Just out of nowhere I got this text.  At like 11 o'clock on a Saturday night.  Bastard.  He did that shyt to get me mad.  
"Obviously it wasn't that good if you thinking about me right after you f*cked her, you punk."

His bastard ass knew I wasn't interested in whether or not he got the p*ssy from her or not.  The text was meant to f*ck with me.  He was trying to rub it in because I had moved on and he knew that I might soon be taking a ride on someone other than his azz.
But there was another reason why I didn't like his text.  Deep down I hoped that she wouldn't f*ck him and that she would leave his azz alone.  He had dogged her.  For months he had been filing immigration papers and planning a life with Miss C.  He brought her over here from their country, while all the long Miss New York  thought that dude was riding only with her.  I wanted her to cut him off.  Teach him a lesson.  I wanted her to not f*ck him.  I might have even said that to him too once? 

"I hope she leaves you alone after all of this."

I think I did. Maybe that's why he was texting me?   To let me know that he was back in business with her, and that what I hoped for didn't happen.  Who knows.  But what I do know is that the text pissed me off. 

 “Why are you sending me this shyt?  Are you trying to make me jealous? ” 

Eventually he confessed to me that he was slightly jealous that I was starting to date other people.  Say what?  Um you got a lot of nerve you dog!  You're jealous of me talking to other men when you f*ckin' two women?  TWO!!!  Who both know about each other....and still giving yo azz a pass?  And you trying to hate on me?  GTFOH.   That was proof positive that Shallow Hal couldn't handle being on the other side of the game.  He don't want you dating no one else but him, but yet he can do whatever the hell he wants.  Well not with me Mister Man.  He had to learn; you might be the sun, the moon, and the stars to them two gals...but not to me muthafucca.  I keeps it moving, and I can find new dyck just like you can find new p*ssy.   You ain't gotta update me with your p*ssy conquests to prove you still the man without me.  Just stop it.

Thankfully, and as time went on,  he did stop.  On second thought, maybe not completely.  He would still tell me stuff about him being intimate with his two ladies; that never stopped. 
"Yeah we were f*cking all day, then I took a nap.  Then I packed and drove out to Miss New York's house."
I would just sit and listen.   It was when he was casually talking about his sexcapades that he told me about screwing in front of his kids.  As much as I missed his doting ways, after that confession I just couldn’t get the image out of my head of him f*ckin’ Miss C while the little ones probably looked on.  I just couldn't.  I know to this day Shallow Hal wishes he never told me that.  That information definitely changed the game for me.  I was turned off.  Permanently. 

And that's when things had officially shifted between us. 
I mean the 'real' friend zone, not the 'friends with benefits' zone.  Of course if I was down to give up the booty Shallow Hal would definitely take it, and of course he would always try.  But I wasn't feeling it anymore.  I didn't really have anyone new in my life either, but the desire I had for him became nonexistent.  Plus I honestly felt like taking a break from dudes anyway.  The friend zone was a seamless transition for me and him, and I kinda liked that. 
We communicated pretty much every day.  He would call me while he was driving to work in the morning.  Sometimes he would call in the evening too.  During the day there were a flurry of emails between us, and by the end of a typical day we would probably send 20-40 emails to each other -- maybe even more.   I’m surprised I even got any work done most days. 

The subjects varied but most times the conversations were usually about him of course.  Hal loves to talk about himself. 
Or somebody he knows. 
Or somebody he used to date. 
Or his sister. 
Or his brother --- who is another f*cked up individual.  Don't you know this man DETESTS Black women?  His family brought his azz  from his country to have a better life, he grew up and served in the armed forces, then has the nerve to turn around and hate on Black women.  Hard.   Openly hard.  In fact he is totally disgusted and turned off by anything Black.  Including chicks from his own country.  So it's no surprise that he will only date Caucausians or Latinas.   Half his age at that.    After hearing this, I seriously wondered how Hal and his brother grew up.  What in the world was going on in THAT house because how these two deal with women cannot be a coincidence.  I'll probably never know.  Maybe it's a cultural thing with women for them.  I dunno.
So like I said, if I started to talk about any personal experience that I had, Shallow Hal would always manage to turn the conversation around where it would be him running his mouth about HIS EXPERIENCE instead.  LOL.  Whenever this happened, I would silently chuckle at his level of self-centeredness.  I understood the kind of person that I was dealing with though.  Shallow Hal always, always, always thinks about himself.  I noticed that it was difficult for him to listen very long about someone else, particularly women.  Now is that a bad thing?  I would say no, but only if that self-absorbed mindset doesn’t impact other people.  Of course this is not the case for Shallow Hal. 

In fact, Shallow Hal is a user.   He is a charming and handsome manipulator who has impacted the lives of everyone around him.  He changed the lives of two innocent females who believed that he loved them…and them only.  Hell he has even impacted my life too, so much so that I am sitting here writing about him right now.  Knowing I have a boatload of shyt to do for myself, I am using MY TIME to blog about his shyt.  And I ain't even getting paid!!!!
(rolls eyes)

Okay, okay.  I'm getting off track.  So what did Shallow Hal and I talk about morning, noon, and night?  One hot topic was about Miss C and her future here.  Her visa was about to expire in a few weeks, and Shallow Hal went back and forth with me on what to do with her. 

"It would kill her if I sent her back without the kids."

And if he kept the kids to raise here in the United States and sent her back, who would take care of them while he went to work?  He was adamant about not paying for child care.  The idea of that bothered him to his core.  Plus he admitted that he never changed the kid’s diapers, bathed them, or did anything like that.  He left that all up to Miss C.   If he sent Miss C back, he couldn't do that stuff.  Even after work.  If Miss C went back to their country, He was pretty sure that Miss New York would take of his kids plus the one she had with him with no problem.  This is because he believed, that "She has the better heart of the two."

Translation:  Miss New York is the most FORGIVING of the two.  But there was one small problem with that plan.  He didn’t think she wanted to move to out PA with him, even if Miss C was forced to go back.  She was cool living close to her peeps in Queens.  From where I stood, I didn't think that would be the case.  I thought that she would be happy as hell to be declared the winner in the "For the Love of Shallow Hal" contest. 
Something smelled fishy to me though.  I thought it was quite odd that he was saying that Miss New York wouldn't come  to live with him.  Then I thought about it.  Shallow Hal probably DIDN'T WANT Miss New York to live with him.  Why?   Because she was LEGALLY HERE.  She had choices.  She could speak English.  She was a firecracker compared to Miss C.  She could get around, get up, and leave his azz.  She could file child support and hurt his pockets.  And on top of that she would want to be married too.  In a nutshell, she was too independent for him.  From where I stood, he would rather have the helpless one instead.  Eventually that truth came out.
“I need Miss C “, he confessed.  “I can’t take care of the kids without her.”

A little voice in my head whispered:  "You forgot to say that you can also f*ck around on Miss C  more easily too."

So there ya go.
Hal only wanted her to stay because he wanted his boys to stay.  But he didn’t love her.  He didn’t want her ‘like that’ he said.  Yeah she was good for f*cking, cleaning, cooking, and taking care of his kids, but HE.DIDN'T. WANT. HER.  He made that very clear.  He said she was a good girlfriend (whatever that means to a dude like Shallow Hal), but he didn’t have enough deep feelings for her to marry her to keep her here legally. 
In short, he was torn.  He was confused on what to do.  If she left and went back to their country, getting the government to allow her to return would be highly unlikely.  His kids would go with her, which would defeat the purpose of why he impregnated her in the first place.  He couldn’t be the dad he claimed he wanted to be.  He told Miss C when he started the process of applying for her spouse visa that he didn’t want to get married, so Miss C was fully aware he didn’t want to get married.  But as the clocked ticked and the visa expiration date got closer and closer, Miss C began to become more vocal and wanting “security” for herself.  I guess she probably figured that once she got here, had both kids, and was the good little “housewife” to him, that Shallow Hal would change his mind and marry her to keep her here.  That didn’t happen.  He stayed firm on marriage.  He didn’t want it and he didn't want her.

But it didn’t mean that he wasn’t thinking about keeping her here permanently.  Hal scrambled to try to get things for her, but he couldn’t because her 90 day visa was close to expiring. 
  • He went to the DMV to try to get her a state ID card and they said no. 
  • He tried to get her a bank account and they wouldn’t do it because she had no proof of address. 
  • He tried to get her charity care and medicare before having the baby but they wouldn’t do it.  Somehow his cousin with the eight babies knew how to how to get a medicare card so she could have the free doctor’s visits. 
  • He had been trying to show her how to drive but had to abort that mission because she couldn’t apply for a driver’s license. 
So there they were, all the way in PA, and the chick couldn’t drive herself anywhere.  He said he felt like he had three kids because every little thing he had to take her to everything -- baby doctor, her doctor, dentist, grocery store.  The only thing he was able to do was renew her passport at their country’s consulate in Manhattan.  It was all a mess.  He talked everyday about trying to fix this problem.  Her wanted her to stay; and then he didn’t.  He kept going back and forth with it.  He couldn’t sleep.  Then I got an email from him one day.

“I’m thinking about paying someone to marry her.”

Before I replied, I quickly went on Google and looked up some things.  Something told me that it wasn’t that easy.  I replied back,
"Um, sorry it doesn’t work like that anymore.  Immigration got hip to that game years ago.  If you’re not gonna marry her and someone else is, SHE HAS TO GO BACK AND WAIT FOR THEM TO APPLY FOR ANOTHER SPOUSE VISA UNDER THEIR NAME.  She can’t stay here and wait for the application to be approved.”

Crickets.  I didn’t get any more emails from him that day.  Instead he called me later. 

SH:  “Maybe I will just marry her after all.  She’s not a bad girlfriend, but I’m not a relationship type of dude.  I like having a woman around to come home to, but I’m just not a good relationship dude.  Marriage ain’t for me. 

Me:  “Then why would you get a woman pregnant in another country then? You said you wanted to be a dad but why you just didn’t get Miss New York pregnant and leave it at that?  At least she is a citizen and can get a driver’s license and what not.  I don’t understand why you got someone pregnant in a different country.  Then you bring her here.  Did you even plan this thing out?  Did you research the laws on this spouse visa thing?”

SH: “No.  I told myself that I would figure it out once I got her here.  I figured that I could find a way around marrying her to keep her here.  Like if she had little kids that the government wouldn’t send her back.  I made a mistake.  I should have just had the kids with Miss New York.  She is not a bad person.  She never did anything bad to me either.   Miss C was really just a vacation chick for me honestly.  Someone I could f*ck and hang out with when I was there.  When I wanted kids, I just wanted them.  I just made them with her.  Getting Miss New York pregnant was a mistake.   Now I just want all of my kids in the same house. ”

As I sat there and listened, I could hear the stress in his voice.  He knew he f*cked up.  He changed so many people's lives because of his wayward dyck.  He literally controlled the fate of another adult person.  And it was all up to him.

Me: “So what you gonna do?”

SH:  “I went to two immigration attorneys and asked them how she can stay here without me marrying her.  They both said there really wasn’t much way around it.   I would have to marry her for her to stay.  If I don’t, then she must go back when her visa expires.  There is really no way around it and they told me I better decide soon too.  The longer she goes with an expired visa, even if I do marry her the government still may not approve it because I waited so long.”

The next day he told me that he finally had a heart to heart convo with Miss C.  After he told her what the lawyers said, she replied, “Well I don’t want you to do anything you want to do.  If I have to go back, I’ll go back.”
But he knew Miss C didn’t want to go back.  She told him that she would be the laughing stock of the place where she lived.  She would be humiliated if she had to return.  Also why would she want to go back to a third world country?  The country was too poor and Hal had given her a life that most women would not have.  That woman didn't want to go back.  Not at all.  To many she is lucky.  Even to me, that chick is lucky.
(thinks to self)
Is lucky the right word?  Hmmmm.....

As the clock ticked and her expiration date drew closer, Hal tells me that the sleepless nights are wearing him down.  His mind raced all night as Miss C lay next to him in his bed. 
If he marries Miss C, it would devastate Miss New York and he didn’t want to hurt her more than he already had.  
If he didn’t marry Miss C, she would be here illegally and would be limited in so many ways.  She would be just as much of a liability to him as she was an asset. 

It was all just a mess.  Shallow Hal had really, really made a mess.


  1. LOL, this dude is a trip and a half girl. Anyway, how have YOU been? How are things with your uncle?

  2. Oh my cuz won't tell me much anymore. Im sure they ain't doing nothing with him. That's Probabky why she ain't telling me anything. :/. I just left it alone. I had someone make an anonymous call to the police on him. But like someone said, until he "does" something, they can't do anything with it. So what else can I do?

  3. This dude is something else. I don't get how he could not have thought this through. And trying to find someone else to marry her?? He's makin sh*t just way too complicated.

    I knew an Army officer from an African country who was the same way as SH's brother. He'd go out of his way to get with anyone BUT a black chick. You could almost see his soul deflate when I told him I was black. SMH....

  4. You have a lovely blog! Great post :D
    I am your newest follower, follow back?

  5. OMG!!!! Shallow Hal needs to be on a warning sign somewhere!!! He sounds like he is out there using women left and right.... The sign should read "beware of ShAllow Hal"
    Ole nasty rouge, how cod he perform such acts in front of the kids.... I'm so glad you had some sense glad. They must have missed that lesson of treat people the way you want to be treated!
    Thanks for sharing!

    Maya D

  6. he might as well marry her and make it an Open Relationship Swinger type shit or something. smh.

    This is just mindblowing. i had one of my friends read about SH and she just as stuck as i am.

    He needs to get his life together.

  7. So, i've been a lurker for quite some time. Just enjoying the reads and nodding my head. However, I must say I am gladddd the stint with Hal is over. I really don't understand why his wife bothers. I feel sorry for her, i really do.

    P.S - where art thou? My nosey behind would like to know whats up with Mr. Trainer-man. (his name escapes me).

  8. Hey there!

    Yeah I'm here. His name is Tin Man, LOL.

    Ugh...I know I have been MIA. I'm about to post right now.

    Let me dust off my brain.

    Thanks for checking in!

  9. oooooo I'm new, and that post was good :)