Sunday, December 20, 2009

Day 82: Continued

Why is my mother's newest thing is telling me that I'm bipolar?

*rolls eyes*

Day 82: and My Pot Belly Discussion...

So I had my first date the other day.  It was like a spur of the moment thing; he sent me an email and asked if I wanted some drinks.  Of course I do!

But ok why didn't I even know his name?  I had to run home to check my computer to get it again.  I know, that's trife right?   We met at a bar.  The convo was cool; he kinda had signs of being a know-it-all though.  We laughed and talked about a lot of things.  It wasn't a bad evening at all to be honest.  But on a kickin' it level, it doesn't look promising. 

"Your silky words are sweet,
But your pockets sho' look empty."

I think I am gonna start giving these guys names like Flav did on Flava of Love.  We will call this one Shorty-Mac because he was about 5' 6" tall (or less) I think.  I noticed something in common with these shorty men who try to push up though - bellies.  I don't know, maybe I am hard on these fellas with bellies.  What I am supposed to do with that in the bedroom, rub on it like I do my cat's belly?  Beat it like a drum?  Nuh uh.  Now is that shallow?  Is it superficial?  I mean do we females get a pass for having a big ol' beach ball in front of us unless we are pregnant?  I think not.  It's all about what our preferences are at the end of the day and I don't think I can get it in with all that misplaced body meat.  I could get nasty with what I'm thinking but I'm not.  All I'm gonna say is I think it would be in the way.  Of course the ones with the pot bellies will say otherwise, but I ain't even trying to find out what they do on the real.  I saw pictures in a book at a sex toy party of how men with bellies get it in, and the options for different positions look limited. 

"The drooping potbelly "buries" the male organ inside the folds of fat and makes it look smaller."

A old 'friend' sent me a text of his 'thang' about a month back.  It was just beautiful and it looked quite delicious.  It made me wanna just get...(fanning my face).  Time out.  LOL. Stop that girl.  So if a pot belly man sent me a text of his 'thang' would I say the same?

Let me stop because this post is getting dirtier the more and more I type...

Last night I did something I haven't done in years.  I went to a club/party by myself.  It was an old school dance party in NYC sponsored by the radio station.  It was a friggin blizzard but I put some pants on under my dress and put my shoes in my bag and hopped on the bus to the city.  And I'm not gonna lie, the brothers had me feeling kinda good about myself.  I was gassed up.  One man gave me his number and said that if I called him he would probably piss on himself?  It may not have been the smoothest line but it was funny as hell when he said it. 

So if I go to this party again, I think I will do the solo thing.  It was a lot more fun I'm telling you!  I had a nice time and was able to shake off a little rust off this body before the year ends.  In fact everyone there was probably doing the same as this party was definitely for a 'mature' crowd - mostly 40s and up I think.  I loved seeing the older people dance into the wee hours of the morning!  It was very cool to see.  And man you could tell those who were party people in their hey day.  I guess I was so amazed because I hardly ever saw the older folks in my family dance.  While I watched the dancers I said to myself that I hope that will be me one day; dancing at 50 plus and not caring how late it is or who is looking at me. 

So after I left I'm walking to the subway at like 4:15am and it was like 10 inches of snow on the ground and still coming down fast.  Then the next thing you know this skinny white guy passes me on Broadway near Times Square with just boxers, a Santa Claus hat, and dress shoes on?  For real!  No lie!  He was just running in all that snow and slush like it was no problem.  I told my friend about it and he said he probably was on meth or something.  I don't know what it was, but only in NYC would you see that shyt in a blizzard on a Saturday night.

Only two weeks left in the year.  Am I hanging out on New Year's Eve or what?

I'm getting a lot of winks and messages from the Caucasian men on . Hmmm....

A friend is trying to get close to me (but his belly is in the way)...hmmmm.

"Your silky words are sweet,

But your pockets sho' look empty."

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Day 72: I'd Like To Fly Far Away....

That's a line from the Commodores classic "Zoom".  I am feeling overwhelmed today.

My pre-trial hearing got postponed because THE OTHER side claims the were going to be tied up.  So now I have to wait for another date.  Hopefully justice will come in 2010 about these people taking my rent money on the new space I had picked to move my business.  It was a big mess and my business closed because of the whole damn thing. 

Ok I posted that my landlord said he wanted to talk to me right before Thanksgiving.   Didn't hear from him.  A week later he finally calls me and tells me that he is selling the house.  But guess who he is selling it to?  The beotch relative that lives downstairs!  Yeah the one who told the landlord I was using the free washing machine too much ( damn lie).  So instead of asking me about it, don't you know that this dumb ass landlord believed her and told her that he was putting coin machines in.  So the heifer got happy and then proceeded to take my wet clothes out of the machine, put the washer in her apartment, and unhooked the dryer and left my stuff in a wet pile on a table!  My mouth dropped when I came home from work that day and found them like that.  Then when I asked him about it he says, "Oh we were planning to change out the machines but we didn't know it would happen that fast."  Ok if you were planning on doing this then why didn't you say something to me so that I wouldn't wash anymore?  He had nothing to say to that and didn't even apologize either.  They were just trying to be slick that's all.  Needless to say I refused to give them another dime for their machines, and I started taking my stuff to the Latino laundromat.  Hell I'll just wash with Juan and Maria and them and fold my clothes in peace.

Now here we go again with this woman affecting my living situation.  He tells me that the house is too much for him to take care of, and that she is gonna buy it from him and wants my apartment because her son might want to move there.  (Quite convenient sale isn't?  Don't believe it)  I mean she wants to be the queen of this broke ass house sooo bad.  For six years I have paid rent on in this place.  She has only lived there for three.  But ever since she moved in she has been a damn tattletale ever since.  I am barely there and probably make minimal noise anyway.  In fact, SHE is the one making the noise with this squawking, loud ass bird she got this past summer.  It is unbelievably annoying.  I guess she is missing Costa Rica or Colombia or wherever that heifer is from.  She lives with her little man friend, and neither one of their Lucy and Ricky Ricardo asses even speak English.  Neva saw two more country ass Latinos in all my life.

So he is giving me until the end of February to move.  So guess what?

I put a stop payment on my rent check. 

You ain't giving me nothing, and I ain't giving you the rent.  Hell I need that money to move so use the security deposit.  It is winter and in February it will still be winter so moving will still be a bitch  too.  Then it's the holiday and I have to stress over gathering up security deposit funds, worrying about my credit checking out (it is in the tank OMG), moving costs, packing, utility hook ups, etc.  I mean I battled it in my mind about doing the stop payment on my rent check, but I gotta handle my business.  I mean I could sit there and not pay any rent for months and they will just have to kick me out? I thought about doing that too, but the situation might be too stressing for me because I worry too much as it is.

So I told the therapist about it the other day and she asked me how I felt.  I struggled to find the words at first.  Speechless.  I told her that I feel like I'm being thrown away like garbage.  "We don't want you here."  "My aunt doesn't want you here."  I always paid my rent.  I lived with strangers, both men and women, to try to cover that rent because I knew that I didn't have the funds to pick up and move.  Then to ask me to go in winter is f'd up.  My therapist said that when you live in private houses the mentality of owners and especially relatives that live in the house is that they are higher than you.  There is some truth to that, but the tenant is not regarded fairly or treated fairly.  There are rules like the tenant can't go in the basement; the tenant can't go in the backyard; all you hear is about what you can't do and what they won't do.  I mean the wet clothes thing was just one of a few incidents that occurred in the house anyway.  I have wanted to leave for a long time, but on my terms you know?

So like MJ sings, "This is it."

They had a tenant who paid the rent for years, but I'll give them a lil' taste of what's its like when  a tenant doesn't pay.  If it wasn't for the bankruptcy thing I wouldn't have done this though.  But since I am filing, so what?  And although I'm looking and may sign a lease on a place soon, I'm gonna take my molasses ass time moving out.  Yep.  But you know what is a trip?  The dumb landlord doesn't even have a copy of the keys!!!!  Why?  Because when someone picked the lock and tried to break into my apartment in 2008 he wouldn't come to change the lock.  I begged and begged but he wouldn't do it.  So I had to get a friend to do it like a week later.  See what I mean?  They treated me like a dog.

So I'm like this, take ya ass to the eviction court and get the state to kick me out, and the heifer's son can just sit and wait on me dammit.  Hell by the time that process will  be done it will be spring anyway and I will be long gone with all my rent in my pockets.  I'm sounding bitter as hell, but that's just how I feel right now.

But I'll be cool.  It was time to go.  Can't wait until I find my new spot.  I'm working on it - hard.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Broke Antidote #4: Meet Me a Man With Money in His Hand REVISITED


Got my first call from tonight!  Oooh weeee!

He sounded aiight.  Maybe I'll let him buy me a dinner.  I like free dinners/drinks/movies and things like that.

All I know is that if we do kick it he betta not act up, or I WILL be talking about his azz on this blog. 

Stay tuned.

Although this has nothing to do with finances I just gotta get this off my chest.  Shhh...I'm secretly bugging about an old boyfriend since he told me he had his first child - well more like chilluns because he had twins.  He's married, but I kinda know were...different.  That's all I'm gonna say on that subject for today.  I typed this small so maybe no one will squint down and read it and start preaching to me about him being married and all. 

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Day 63: Mind Tripping

It's the worst thing in the world to get played by someone and you realize that you could have nipped that shyt in the bud yourself.   Stayed up all night and my mind was just racing with thoughts.  I don't even wanna get into it yet what hapenned yet but it is getting on my head that I thought writing might help a little. 

But The Broke Bandit struck again this Saturday.  I took some clothes to the cleaners and the beotch tells me $84 for like 10 items when it was time to pick them up.  Lying ass charged me $13.50 per dress and I had four dresses - total $54 just for the dresses.  She claims she had to hand iron the dresses...but two of them were sweater dresses and one could not be ironed at all!  Argghhhh!  I know, I know.  I should have made a bigger stink, but that is not really my nature.  I said a few things and obviously looked pissed, but that beotch didn't care.  She got her money.  I bet she won't see my ass no mo.  I hate her!!!

Not sleeping good.  I think these new style fancy pillows are just f'ing my neck up.  I'm a bobble head in the morning literally.  Just pain, pain.  I think I need to go buy some regular ass $9.99 Walmart style pillows and call it a day.

Things on my mind and my head is about to bust.

I wanna move to a cheaper place...but I can't yet because of the bankruptcy mess.  I wanna earn extra money...but I can't because if I do that right now then the bankruptcy thing could get messed up.  No one was hiring me anyway so no worries there.  At least the creditors have stopped calling me though. :-)  I sent letters to everybody last week.

Well today is Ticket Tuesday!!  I buy my lottery tickets every Tuesday and Friday.  I think I will start calling that day Black Friday cuz I'm trying to move from the red to the black.  I even entered for the Publisher's Clearing House like old folks do.  Annoying emails but I try to keep up with it.  Maybe I can win a little something one day.

I think I will look into freezing my eggs.  I wish someone would have told me this years ago before I turned 40 and what not.  I wonder how much it costs?  Do Black people freeze their eggs much?  Mmmm...

I should open a funeral home.